WWSFKD? #3: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
Procrastination isn’t laziness, it’s fear in a cuter outfit.
It’s Pride Month, which means we’re celebrating love, freedom, identity, and the power of showing up exactly as you are. But celebration doesn’t mean we ignore what’s happening. Right now, trans people, especially trans youth, are being targeted by a wave of anti-trans legislation across the country. These laws are not about protection. They’re about erasure.
Hunter Schafer recently posted a video sharing that her gender marker had been incorrectly listed as "male" on her passport. If you watch nothing else today, I implore you to make this 8 minute video a priority. Seeing someone as visible and powerful as Hunter still have to fight to be seen for who she is? It’s a reminder that this isn’t just a policy issue. It’s personal. It’s daily. It’s exhausting. If this can happen to someone as well-known as Hunter, imagine how this is affecting other trans people with less visibility and resources as her.
If you care about Pride, then you must also care about trans rights. Period. If you’re in a position to give, I’d love for you to join me in donating to an LGBTQ+ organization that’s actively supporting trans communities. Whether it’s the Transgender Law Center, For the Gworls, or your local mutual aid fund, your money matters. Your voice matters. Let’s put both to work.
Now…let’s get into this week’s WWSFKD?
Laura D. asked: I’m in high school and constantly comparing myself to other girls my age. How can I stop?
SFK: Comparison is a game you will literally never win. You will always feel bad about yourself when you do it. And the wild part is, we usually compare ourselves to people we think are ahead of us or have something we want. But anytime you catch yourself spiraling, remember—it’s a huge waste of your time. It doesn’t move you forward, and it doesn’t bring you any closer to your own goals. It just pulls your focus away from your own path. You’re never going to be that girl, and she’s never going to be you. So instead of obsessing over what she has, ask yourself what you want and what you can do today to start moving toward it. Your power comes from choosing you. Every single time.
Vanessa O. asked: How do I stop procrastinating?
SFK: Procrastination isn’t laziness, it’s fear in a cuter outfit. You’re not avoiding the task, you’re avoiding the anxiety that comes with it. I’ve been feeling it while writing my book Let’s Fucking Date. The pressure to make every sentence perfect and to prove I’m good enough to write a book can be paralyzing. So I stopped thinking about the whole thing and focused on one step at a time. I’m not “writing a book,” I’m writing a sentence. Then a paragraph. Then a chapter. Shrinking the task makes it less scary and more doable. You stop procrastinating the moment you stop aiming for perfection and just begin.
Kaitlyn T. asked: I feel so burnt out from dating, working, and everything. How do I recover from this? How can I make life feel great again?
SFK: What I realized is that burnout isn’t just about doing too much. It’s about feeling like you can’t stop. Like if you’re not dating, you’ll never find your person. If you aren’t posting eight TikToks a day, you’ll never go viral. If you’re not constantly pushing at work, your dreams will pass you by. But that mindset is what drains us. One of the best things about growing up, especially entering your 30s, is realizing how much time you actually have. You don’t have to sprint every single day to get where you’re going. You can take a day off. You can skip the date. You can rest. And even though it might feel counterproductive, rest is what lets you reset and show up fully again. Life starts to feel good not when you push harder, but when you finally give yourself permission to pause.
For more on how to cope with burnout, I would highly recommend my dear friend Madison Utendahl’s Substack “BURNT.”
Tamara R. asked: My internship didn't end with a full time offer and I'm terrified. I know what I want. How do I map MY empire?!
SFK: Honestly, this might be the best thing that could’ve happened to you. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but you have to train your mind to see rejection differently. When something doesn’t go the way you planned, it’s not a dead end. It’s a redirection. It’s the universe nudging you toward something better. Maybe that company was about to do layoffs. Maybe the culture would have crushed your spirit. You’ll find out later why it wasn’t meant for you, but for now, trust the pause.
Instead of spiraling, get curious. What do you love doing? Who do you admire? Start there. Reach out. Send your resume. DM them. Ask a friend for an intro. You don’t map out an empire the second you graduate. You build it by learning what you’re good at, what excites you, and what environments bring out your best. I stayed at my first job for three and a half years before I had the clarity and confidence to build my own thing. Your early twenties aren’t for having it all figured out. They’re for gathering data. So go gather it. That’s how you start!
Mollie M. asked: How can I support my queer friend in dating as a straight ally?
SFK: The fact that you’re even asking this already makes you a good friend. A few weeks ago, I went to Basement (a gay club) with my best friend Kit, who had just moved here after a breakup. He needed a night out, and I was more than ready to be his wingwoman. The energy was unmatched. Being there with him, in that space, surrounded by so much joy and freedom, was one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time.
That night reminded me how important it is to actually ask how your friend wants to be supported. Do they want to go to a gay bar? Do they want help swiping? Do they want to vent, flirt, dance, or just feel seen? Being a good ally in dating means not assuming the experience is the same as yours. It means stepping into their world and letting them lead.
Love you all SO much and see you next week!!!
Have more questions you want me to answer? Comment them below, reply in the chat, send me a DM, or shoot an email to natalie@sfklfg.com