Single Woman Looking For Love

How I Turned My Instagram Live Dating Show Into An Empire

While you baked banana bread and made tie dye sweatshirts during lockdown, I dated 50 men on Instagram Live.

I can’t believe that it’s already been four years since the start of the pandemic. In March 2020, like so many others, I found myself isolated and alone, locked in an apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan as my roommate departed for her family home. At first this sounded fine. As an only child, I love spending my days solo. But as the reality of the situation sunk in, so did my anxieties.

In fact, exactly one month before New York City went into lockdown, I had taken a leap of faith and quit my job as a video producer at Refinery29 to build what I called “my empire”. It was a bold move: I had no idea what “my empire” was yet, but I had been building my own brand of empowerment since college, so I knew something. But when quarantine began in March, all my future plans of content creation, partnership events, and brand consulting dried up in an instant. Alone, with no work and no boyfriend, I allowed myself one day to cry and feel sorry for myself before starting on my pivot plan. Yearning for some type of connection, I started going on Instagram live once a week, chatting with my followers in the first of many covid inspired content series I called Quarantinis with SFK. I wasn’t the only one wishing I had a “Corona Boyfriend,” someone to cuddle and disinfect packages with during these long empty days. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

If I couldn’t meet someone in real life, my only solution was to meet them virtually, in the comfort of my living room… and that’s how my reality dating show was born. 

At the beginning, it didn't have a name; but the goal was to show the world what virtual dating was really like — unfiltered. From the start, my only stipulation was that all of the dates would be blind, so I didn’t arrive with any bias or preconceived notions. I called a friend with a production background and asked her to find two men who would be interested in going on a blind date with me on the following Friday night… live on Instagram, in front of all my followers. After thousands tuned in to that first date in April, I asked my audience what I should name the show. And that’s how Let’s Fucking Date was born — a first-of-its-kind reality dating show on Instagram Live.

And it was a fucking hit!!

Let’s Fucking Date not only provided escapism during a turbulent time, but it also brought back the days of real unscripted television - no edits or gimmicks that you typically see on reality TV these days.  People were fascinated by the voyeurism of watching two people on a first date. And the best outcome was seeing the community that was created in the comments section, where the audience gave feedback in real time, which honestly, sometimes felt like a whole show of its own. After the episodes, fans from around the world would jump on Instagram Live with me to give their feedback on the men and what red flags they noticed. During the hour long aftershow, I got to interact with so many incredible people from all walks of life, including a middle-aged couple that lived on a boat, a woman from Nigeria who would stay up until 3 a.m. to watch (who I got to meet IRL 3 years later at one of my live shows!), and a 16-year-old in Florida that gave better dating advice than my therapist. Eventually, the superfans of LFD became the stars of LFD, becoming instantly recognizable to the community at large.

Chloe Bonnet became one of the breakout stars of LFD’s after show

I have countless screenshots of fans telling me that because of the show, they got on the apps and were excited about dating again - even if it had to be virtual. I heard stories of people setting their alarms for 8:30 p.m. on Fridays, others who would play the show on a big screen at their family dinner tables, and more who’d recap the episodes the next morning with their co-workers on Slack. It was notable how much life the show had even when the cameras weren’t turned on. So much so, that my fans begged me to create a Facebook group so they could discuss their thoughts on the dates, and how the show empowered them to date virtually. LFD was a (COVID-safe) party, and everyone was invited.

This is what I call "global domination"

Week after week, the viewership grew. After a viral first season of LFD, I launched a second season in September. My assistant and I hung up flyers all over Manhattan, looking for the most eligible bachelors to date me live on season 2, and it didn’t take long for my followers around the world to follow suit. 

Let’s Fucking Date fans hanging up signs in Japan

For the second season, I wanted to prove that you could have a real television show on Instagram. But a real television show would mean a real team, which meant I needed cash...fast. After putting together a comprehensive deck, we successfully convinced brands like Bumble, Bev, Hint Water, and Mumm Champagne to buy placement into our live show, something no one else had done on the platform (to my knowledge.) We were able to sell season for six figures in ad sponsorships, which let us turn the show into a full-blown production. I hired and collaborated with a group of talented individuals dedicated to producing, designing, editing, marketing, and glamming me up before each date. We even got our own THEME SONG!

And then this little show became the empire I had always dreamed of.

Dozens of followers watching the show would message me and say “I wish I had you coaching me and telling me what to say on my dates!” I realized that there was a glaring white space: people needed someone or something to give them more confidence during dates. Something that would stimulate conversation and help avoid awkward silences. And as much as I wanted to be there for this growing community, coaching them on the perfect lines to say, I couldn’t. So I built it. I called it the Let’s Fucking Date card game, designed to be played by singles, couples, or groups. And before I had enough time to second guess this business venture, I was inundated with orders. Literally, the game was flying off the shelves (the shelves being the cramped spare closet in my apartment of course). I remember staying up late, packing envelopes in my living room, printing the labels, and adding postage. I couldn't believe people were ordering my game. I never thought in a million years I would be an entrepreneur but I had always wanted to create a product that would somehow give people confidence.

By the end of 2020, I was exhausted. The world started to open up and I felt like it was time to end the show. But I knew we needed to end it with a bang. So for the third and final season of Let’s Fucking Date, my team developed an entirely new format - every week, the audience would vote and narrow down the men like it was a fantasy draft, hence the name Fantasy Fucking Date. In seasons one and two, I chose myself as the winner. In season three, my audience would play matchmaker. The final two contestants were Fibula and Creed, with Creed taking home the prize and flying out to surprise me for the finale episode. Our relationship lasted a total of .5 seconds, but I did get the internet-breaking ending I had dreamed of. Later, to my (not-so) surprise, Creed became a contestant on a (lesser known) dating show, Netflix’s Too Hot Too Handle. 

Now 4 years later, Let’s Fucking Date is entirely it’s own brand with a killer IG feed, four variations of the card game and epic brand collabs. But to me, it will always be the TV show that kept us close and connected during a very dark time. Sometimes I wonder what my career would look like if I hadn’t had the courage to date fifty men over a year on Instagram Live.

Here are some of my takeaways from the experience:

• If a guy owns a gaming chair, that is a red flag.

• Take a chance on yourself and on an idea. Start small and then ask for feedback. I didn’t create this show with a name, graphics package, and a whole production team. It started as an idea with a ring light, that grew to become something I would've never imagined. The only way you will create something of value is if you try, and if you’re open to constructive criticism and feedback, you will get better and better.

Success does not happen overnight, even though social media makes it seem that way. And how do we define success? When I tell people about the show, the first thing they ask me is if I liked any of the guys. I liked some, but I didn’t fall in love with anyone on Let’s Fucking Date. I got something so much greater: I built a team, a business, a community and a stronger belief in myself. The irony is that almost exactly three years later, I wound up on a podcast hosted by a guy I didn’t know, in a room full of cameras, playing the card game that started it all. That host became my boyfriend and now our first date is on the internet, forever. How full circle is that?

Let’s Fucking Date made my career and it was all thanks to you. To celebrate the fourth anniversary, we are making everything on the Let’s Fucking Date website 40% off, our biggest sale ever!! (Sale ends 4/5 at 12pm ET)

…Also, I figured it was time to spill some tea. Here are seven things I’ve never shared before:

1.  One of my first dates on the show was with Jake. He made a charcuterie board (not like I could get it through the screen) and sang me a song he wrote on his guitar. After the first season ended and the world opened up a bit, Jake asked me out on a real date. We went out to dinner and then he brought me back to his apartment. Just like our date on Instagram Live, he (you guessed it!) sang a song for me on his guitar. 

Jake performing a song he wrote me on Let’s Fucking Date Season 1

2. I was always really drunk by the end of the two hour show (two 30 minute dates + 1 hour after show with fans). Sometimes I would blackout, but luckily I had the footage to recount everything that went down. Not that I would know anything about this, but it kind of felt like being a DJ. I felt so exhilarated during the “performance” but after the live ended, I found myself sitting in my LES apartment alone in a ball gown, drunk and all alone. The come down was real. However, I realize I wasn’t actually alone…I was just drunk. 

3. A very attractive Australian named Creed won the final season of LFD. For the finale episode, he surprised me in NYC, yet he awkwardly kept making excuses to not hang out with me. Instead of being honest, he would facetime me everyday afterwards and breadcrumbed me for months. I even tried to get him a job so he could get a visa to stay in the United States. (Am I OK?)  When I visited him in LA, I idealized our romance (partly because I knew how much YOU GUYS wanted us to be together. LOL. No I blame myself for being so delulu) I booked us a hotel at the Santa Monica Proper (for like a gazillion dollars) and he did not want to be intimate with me. Bye!